Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Feeling Important


Feeling Important

Matt 23:12 NIV
12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

Luke 14:7-11 NIV
7 When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable:
8 "When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. 9 If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, 'Give this man your seat.' Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. 10 But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, 'Friend, move up to a better place.' Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. 11 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Luke 18:9-14 NIV
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men — robbers, evildoers, adulterers — or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

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Matt 20:20-28 NIV

20 Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.
21 "What is it you want?" he asked.
She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."
22 "You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?"
"We can," they answered.
23 Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father." 24 When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. 25 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Mark 10:35-45
35 Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. "Teacher," they said, "we want you to do for us whatever we ask."
36 "What do you want me to do for you?" he asked.
37 They replied, "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory."
38 "You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said. "Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?"
39 "We can," they answered.
Jesus said to them, "You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, 40 but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared." 41 When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. 42 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

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John 13:3-17 NIV
3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet , drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet ?" 7 Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." 8 "No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet ."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." 9 "Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
10 Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet ; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12 When he had finished washing their feet , he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13 "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet , you also should wash one another's feet . 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Our Tongue Is the Culprit


Our Tongue Is the Culprit

James 1:26 NIV
26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue , he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

James 3:5-10 NIV
5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

1 Peter 3:10 NIV
10 For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Imitation of Christ - BOOK 1 - 7th Chapter



The Imitation of Christ
Thomas à Kempis
BOOK ONE
THOUGHTS HELPFUL IN THE LIFE OF THE SOUL

The Seventh Chapter
AVOIDING FALSE HOPE AND PRIDE

VAIN is the man who puts his trust in men, in created things.

Do not be ashamed to serve others for the love of Jesus Christ and to seem poor in this world. Do not be self-sufficient but place your trust in God. Do what lies in your power and God will aid your good will. Put no trust in your own learning nor in the cunning of any man, but rather in the grace of God Who helps the humble and humbles the proud.

If you have wealth, do not glory in it, nor in friends because they are powerful, but in God Who gives all things and Who desires above all to give Himself. Do not boast of personal stature or of physical beauty, qualities which are marred and destroyed by a little sickness. Do not take pride in your talent or ability, lest you displease God to Whom belongs all the natural gifts that you have.

Do not think yourself better than others lest, perhaps, you be accounted worse before God Who knows what is in man. Do not take pride in your good deeds, for God's judgments differ from those of men and what pleases them often displeases Him. If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble. It does no harm to esteem yourself less than anyone else, but it is very harmful to think yourself better than even one. The humble live in continuous peace, while in the hearts of the proud are envy and frequent anger.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dieter’s Prayer



Dieter’s Prayer









Dear Lord, watch over me
Whenever I take a bite to eat

Curb my hunger
Reduce my appetite

Keep me from overeating
Don’t let me sin by gluttony

Encourage me to eat healthy foods not junk
Eliminate my craving for unwholesome foods

Inspire me to exercise with enthusiasm this body
which you made the temple of The Holy Spirit.

Assist me in avoiding fad diets and pills
Keep me from comparing my physique to that of others

Forgive me Father, for having treated my body
Disrespectfully when I’ve eaten excessively. Amen

Truth Seeker

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Ge 1:29 NIV
29 Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

Ge 9:3 NIV
3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.

Ex 16:35 NIV
35 The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan.

Nu 11:4-9 NIV
4 The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost — also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. 6 But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna !"
7 The manna was like coriander seed and looked like resin. 8 The people went around gathering it, and then ground it in a handmill or crushed it in a mortar. They cooked it in a pot or made it into cakes. And it tasted like something made with olive oil. 9 When the dew settled on the camp at night, the manna also came down.

Dt 8:3 NIV
3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna , which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

Jos 5:11-12 NIV
11 The day after the Passover, that very day, they ate some of the produce of the land: unleavened bread and roasted grain. 12 The manna stopped the day after they ate this food from the land; there was no longer any manna for the Israelites, but that year they ate of the produce of Canaan.

1 Kgs 17:5-6 NIV
5 So he did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

Ne 9:20 NIV
20 You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst.

Ps 78:24-31 NIV
24 he rained down manna for the people to eat,
he gave them the grain of heaven.
25 Men ate the bread of angels;
he sent them all the food they could eat.
26 He let loose the east wind from the heavens
and led forth the south wind by his power.
27 He rained meat down on them like dust,
flying birds like sand on the seashore.
28 He made them come down inside their camp,
all around their tents.
29 They ate till they had more than enough,
for he had given them what they craved.
30 But before they turned from the food they craved,
even while it was still in their mouths,
31 God's anger rose against them;
he put to death the sturdiest among them,
cutting down the young men of Israel.

Ps 111:5 NIV
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.

Ps 132:15 NIV
15 I will bless her with abundant provisions;
her poor will I satisfy with food.

Pr 13:25 NIV
25 The righteous eat to their hearts' content,
but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry.

Pr 23:1-3 NIV
1 When you sit to dine with a ruler,
note well what is before you,
2 and put a knife to your throat
if you are given to gluttony.
3 Do not crave his delicacies,
for that food is deceptive.

Pr 23:20-21 NIV
20 Do not join those who drink too much wine
or gorge themselves on meat,
21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor,
and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

Dan 1:15-16 NIV
15 At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. 16 So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead.

Joel 2:26 NIV
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.

Mt 4:4 NIV
4 Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Mt 6:26, 31-34 NIV
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lk 12:23,29 NIV
23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.

Jn 6:49-51, 53-56 NIV
49 Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. 50 But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. 51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."

53 Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.

Rom 14:2-3 NIV
2 One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.

1 Cor 6:19-20 NIV
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Col 2:16 NIV
16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.

1 Tim 4:3-4 NIV
3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Judge Ye Not


Judge Ye Not

Judge not thy brother's failings,
Nor ever be the one
To hurl a stone at anything
That he has ever done.
Scorn not his humble efforts,
Nor cast him to the ground,
He may have just discovered
What thou has never found.

Harden not thy heart to tears
That often flow unbidden,
From lonely hearts within whose depths
So much of love is hidden.
Set not thyself as model,
Above thy fellowman,
For charity can open doors,
That pride's key never can.

Be not so self-righteous,
Thy foot can also fall...
No man who lives, is blameless,
For sin has touched us all.
And God alone must judge us,
No man has been assigned.
Because the Lord alone can see
Within your heart... and mine.

Grace E. Easley

Friday, April 16, 2010

I Will Start Anew


I Will Start Anew

I will start anew this morning
with a higher, fairer creed;

I will cease to stand complaining
of my ruthless neighbor's greed;

I will cease to sit repining while
my duty's call is clear;

I will waste no moment whining and
my heart shall know no fear.

I will look sometimes about me
for the things that merit praise;

I will search for hidden beauties
that elude the grumbler's gaze.

I will try to find contentment
in the paths that I must tread;

I will cease to have resentment
when another moves ahead.

I will not be swayed by envy
when my rival's strength is shown;

I will not deny his merit,
but I'll try to prove my own;

I will try to see the beauty
spread before me, rain or shine;

I will cease to preach your duty
and be more concerned with mine.

S.E.Kiser

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Never a Time


Never a Time

There's never a thought God doesn't know,
And never an act He doesn't see.
Every moment of our lives,
He's looking after you and me.
There's never a pain He doesn't share,
And never a joy He doesn't send,
Never a cry He doesn't hear,
And never a heart He cannot mend.

There's never a wrong God doesn't right,
Or noble deed He doesn't bless,
Never a worthless soul to Him,
Though it be clothed in shabbiness.
Never a dream He doesn't know,
Never a hope He doesn't share,
There's never a day when God forgets,
And never a time He doesn't care.

Grace E. Easley

Monday, March 29, 2010

Spirit vs Flesh


Spirit vs Flesh

Gal 5:16-17 NIV
16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the
Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

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Mat 26:41 NIV
41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The World is Full of Big Bad Wolves


The World is Full of Big Bad Wolves

In the Bible, the wolf got Adam and Eve but good...
but God always has a contingency plan and
is never caught unprepared - - - like the wise little pig,
who can be likened to Jesus who built His Church of bricks.
The boiling pot was the Lake of Fire, the devil's ultimate destination.

Truth Seeker

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The Story of the Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, who went from home to seek their fortune. The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and said to him:--
"Good man, give me that straw to build me a house."
The man gave the straw, and the little pig built his house with it. Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said:--
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
But the pig answered:--
"No, no, by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin."
So the wolf said:--
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in."
So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig.

The second little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said:--
"Good man, give me that furze to build me a house."
The man gave the furze, and the pig built his house. Then once more came the wolf, and said:
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
" No, no, by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin."
"Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed and he huffed, and at last he blew the house in, and ate up the little pig.

The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said:--
"Good man, give me those bricks to build me a house with."
The man gave the bricks, and he built his house with them. Again the wolf came, and said:--
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
"No, no, by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin."
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in."
So he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could NOT get the house down. Finding that he could not,
with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said:--

"Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips."
"Where?" said the little pig.
"Oh, in Mr Smith's field, and if you will be ready to-morrow morning we will go together, and get some for dinner."
"Very well," said the little pig. "What time do you mean to go?"
"Oh, at six o'clock."
So the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came crying:--
"Little pig, are you ready?"
The little pig said: "Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be a match for the little pig somehow or other, so he said:--

"Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree."
"Where?" said the pig.
"Down at Merry-garden," replied the wolf, "and if you will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o'clock to-morrow, and get some apples."
The little pig got up next morning at four o'clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but it took long to climb the tree, and
just as he was coming down from it, he saw the wolf coming. When the wolf came up he said:--
"Little pig, what! are you here before me? Are they nice apples?"
"Yes, very," said the little pig. "I will throw you down one."
And he threw it so far that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home. The next day the wolf came again, and said to the little pig:--

"Little pig, there is a fair in town this afternoon; will you go?'
"Oh yes," said the pig, "I will go; what time?"
"At three," said the wolf. As usual the little pig went off before the time, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was rolling home when he
saw the wolf coming. So he got into the churn to hide, and in so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the hill with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf
so much that he ran home without going to the fair. He went to the little pig's house, and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came past him down the hill. Then the little pig said.--
"Ha! ha! I frightened you, then!"

Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and tried to get down the chimney in order to eat up the little pig. When the little pig saw what he was about, he put a pot full of water on the blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, he took off the cover, and in fell the wolf. Quickly the little pig clapped on the cover, and when the wolf was boiled ate him for supper.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Enigma of Free Will vs. Predestination













The Enigma of Free Will vs. Predestination

Four Biblical Truths on Predestination

God wants that everyone be saved
God does not predestine anyone to hell
Jesus died for everyone
God grants sufficient graces for salvation to everyone

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Ezek 18:32 NIV
32 For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!

Ezek 33:11 NIV
11 Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?'

Rom 5:18-19 NIV
18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

Rom 8:28-30 NIV
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Rom 9:14-18 NIV
14 What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15 For he says to Moses,
"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." 16 It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. 17 For the
Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

1 Tim 2:3-4 NIV
3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

2 Pet 3:9 NIV
9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

If God Didn't Give It To You... You Don't Need It (Or... You May Already Have It!)



If God Didn't Give It To You... You Don't Need It (Or... You May Already Have It!)

Let's examine the Scarecrow, in search of a brain:
Wizard of Oz: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma.

Look at the Tin Man looking for a heart:
Wizard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.
Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

Let's see the Cowardly Lion who desperately needs courage:
Wizard of Oz: You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Trusting in The Lord


Prov 3:5-12 NIV
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

9 Honor the Lord with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

11 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Abstain From Idle Words


Luke 1:39-45 NIV
39 At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, 40 where she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth. 41 When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42 In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43 But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45 Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

Matthew 12:36 NIV
36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Mark 13:11 NIV
11 Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.

2 Timothy 2:16 NIV
16 Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.

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Take the time to analyze the illustration above. It's hilarious.

Truth Seeker